shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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