It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
