Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
