Umm I'm too high to move.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
