I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
