Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
