theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
