i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
