why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I should be sponsored by Trojan
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
