We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize