Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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