Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well you can't waste a boner
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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