it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
