i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
