Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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