Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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