Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
