HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My feet surprised me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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