corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
