Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
