hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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