i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
