and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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