I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
