I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
