I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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