Where did you get a picture of my penis
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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