Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
