I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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