sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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