I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
