I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
