So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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