He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
