so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's the barista slut.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
