Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
