Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
