Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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