If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
