His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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