theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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