Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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