Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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