Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
