We got so high we made milksteak
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to cum in my sink.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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