He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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