Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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