this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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