While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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