haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
