I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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