He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
