the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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