just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just crazy horny about you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
