I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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