Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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