All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Floor bacon is actually really good
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
