so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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