It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
