well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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