My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
