Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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