fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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