in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
