On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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