foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
