Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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