i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
