shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
