i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
