I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
