she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
