I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
