apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
