I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
