I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
