I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
