genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
