She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
