wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
